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HEATER!!

BANGERS!! I don't mean the gang banger type banger either...I'm talking a good ol' fashioned, club bumping, fist pumping, foot stomping BANGER!! I have always been a fan of multiple genres of music, but there's only one type that will literally make me scream mid song out of shear energy and passion.....one genre that will make me stop everything and dance....one genre that will make me say......NO I will not two step....No I will not tap my knee with my palm.....I'm going to get on the floor, pump my fist, jump around like a epileptic seizure and dance the night away.....CLUB BANGERS!!

COOLER!!

Construction workers that stop traffic!! I was driving home from work today and some neon vest wearing donk decided it was his obligation to stop traffic on a 2 lane street so that a backhoe can slooooooowly reverse in the middle of the street, pretty much wave his middle finger to everyone wanting to get home and the sloooooowly goes back to the side of the road. Now don't get me wrong, if it were a city employee or something that was actually using my tax dollars fine.....but they were working on PRIVATE property, were a PRIVATE company and had absolutely no jurisdiction to stop traffic or impede the drive home for so many of us. GET OFF YOURSELF!!

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HEATER!!

Moustaches!! I received an email today from a colleague to grow a moustache in the month of November to support Prostate Cancer. I'm all for moustaches and all for supporting prostates so it's pretty much a done deal. I sported the most outrageous handlebars and chops for Canada's run in the Olympics last year and either got high fives from strangers or the dirtiest looks from women wanting to slap me...either were fine as my point was to make a statement. The ringing of the cowbell and blowing of the vuvuzela more then likely didn't help the dirty looks either. :) Here's to loud obnoxious friends, and more importantly loud obnoxious friends with ridiculous moustaches!! HEATER!

COOLER!!

Commercials!! Maybe it's 3rd and long in the 4th quarter of the Superbowl....or your team is about to go on a powerplay with 2 minutes left down by one.....or maybe even Derek Sheppard is about to be shot by a serial killer while Meredith watches from a distance...regardless of the situation......regardless of how great that Arby's burger looks for 30 seconds.....even regardless of your mental state of mind....commercials have always been and will always be one of the biggest daily COOLERS we encounter....I don't care if PC finally outlasted MAC or if SAFE HAPPENS for some VW owners....all I want is a commercial free, cinematic experience. THANK GOD FOR PVR....and now....back to your regular scheduled internet surfing! :)

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HEATER!!

Getting what you want!! You know the second you hear two options which one you want....sometimes you can control it, sometimes you can't, but the feeling of wanting something specific and GETTING IT at the end of the day is such a HEATER. I would say it's pretty much the same feeling as someone bringing you something to eat without you knowing and it's EXACTLY the order that you love. Big Mac, extra pickles.....FANTASTIC.

COOLER!!

Getting picked last in gym class!! I won't lie, it's never happened to me....but the dejection on little Jimmy's face when he hears captains will be selecting the teams instead of Mr. Johnson handing out pinny's is like no other.  I might as well have grabbed a bag of dog shit, lit it on fire and thrown it at him. Another long 45 minutes of first period physical education and another disappointed student fighting through the social network of that dungeon called High School.  GG (good game) LIFE! Jimmy pass the F'IN ball!! :)





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HEATER!!

All you can eat buffets!! You are sitting at home, can't think about what to eat but your stomach is growling, staaaarving.......your cell phone goes off and it's your friend with a simple "buffet?" text message and instantly you mind wonders to hot plate after hot plate of singapore noodles, sushi, spicy beef and prime rib....your mouth starts to water and you reply with a "where- X buffet/ when- 5 MINUTES AGO!" text....off you go to your fantasy of food and all of the great side affects that come along with that! There is one buffet I've been to at Caesar's Palace in LV and they actually brought me out a seafood platter on shaved ice to my table....crab legs, muscles, shrimp, oysters...if it had ever see the touch f salt water, it was on this plate.....just HEAVENLY! Mmmmmm...

COOLER!!

Bad days!! I was sitting here having trouble thinking of a really good COOLER and then realized I've having a really shitty day, and thought I'd use that since it's probably the most common and over looked COOLER of all. You wake up and just have that feeling....that feeling that you're going to want to kill every single person that crosses you and explode on anyone that decides today's the day they're going to challenge your argument in the lunchroom. IN the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman "BIG MISTAKE.....HUGE!"....I deal with people everyday so when I have a bad day it basically boils up inside as I can't be angry with my clients and gets unleashed on some unsuspecting civilian who runs in front of my car on the way home. Perfect example....4-5 years ago I was having the aforementioned bad day and was driving down St. Laurent Blvd near the Red Lobster...(for those of you that live in Ottawa) and I saw the light beginning to change from green to yellow. I sped up as I was in a hurry and saw the man in the on coming traffic waiting to turn left non-pleased with my selfishness to run the light.....as he started to hang out his window to yell something, I hung out mine, sternly pointed at him, looked him in the eyes and said "NO! F*CK YOU!" before he had the chance to say a word. Felt greaaaaaat and he slowly pulled himself back in his window and was silenced.  Bottom line, I'm usually a very happy, out going individual but on days like today, if you see me running a yellow.......sit tight and wait for the next one. Have a great day! :)

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HEATER!!

For those of you who don't have kids you may not appreciate this as much as I do, but eating your kids candy or doing the old once over to make sure everything is safe to eat!! "WHAT IS THAT A PARTIALLY OPENED ROCKETS PACK??" No good....into the "garbage". :) "THAT'S NOT A PERFECTLY WRAPPED CANDY APPLE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO WAY OF BEING ALTERED SINCE PURCHASE IS IT?" GONE! (My kids hate me clearly around Halloween)
Less then a week away! Ship it!!! :)

COOLER!!

Having that feeling that you forgot something when you leave your house and then remembering what it is once you reach your destination!!

Mom- "Hey son, I know you're planning on leaving your house in 2 seconds, so can you remember the casserole dish I sent home with you last week, I need it back?"

Son- "of course Mom, I'm leaving now so I'll be sure to bring it...."

(10 minutes elapses and you arrive)

It's always right when you ring the doorbell that you realize it...FU*K!!

The second the door opens, you drop your head in shame...and she knows....

(repeat for 3 weeks until she comes and picks it up) COOLER!!

WORTH WHILE MENTIONING THIS IS NOT MY MOM....



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HEATER!!

Your own bed!! We have all been on week long or month liong fiesta's or vacations away from home, or maybe it's even just a camping trip with some friends...... but after a couple nights of sleeping in a sleeping bag or a roach motel on a road trip, there's no better feeling then getting home....taking a HOT shower to rid yourself of the filth, and curling up under your big comfy duvet and getting a good night sleep. You may have even made it right before you left....anticipating this EXACT moment......it's the place you know better then any.....the place you've been dreaming about for the last week......the place where all your magic tricks happen.......YOUR OWN BED! Such a HEATER!!

COOLER!!

Speeding tickets!! I'm the driver you love to hate. I don't have one accident in 12 years of driving,  (although my car has been in a couple benders from previous GF's- COOLER in itself) but I tend to drive a little faster then the average bear and in turn leads me to have a little faster draining of my bank account when I get pulled over and for that matter.....bent over... all at once. I recently received a ticket for going 126KM/hr.....which to me seems reasonable on a vacant 2 lane highway....however the donkey decides he will make an example out of me and gives me 26 over...no consideration, no lowering.....bent over. He then hands me the ticket (all in FRENCH) and continues to tell me (in English) that if I want the ticket in English I can mail it in and they'll send me one. Now I both understand and speak French, so I was a little upset at the ignorance of this Swine.....The fact that I was an Ontario driver in the Country of Quebec I'm sure had nothing to do with it, but the best part is you can ONLY pay it at a Caisse Populaire bank!! HA! Such a Cooler in a long list of Coolers.

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HEATER!!

Getting your GST Cheque in the mail when you least expect it!! You know the feeling, it's an off pay week, your friends are all going out for dinner, but you're a little tight for cash and you won't be able to make it....sad and down trot you arrive home after work and see a glowing CANADA REVENUE AGENCY envelope. You rip it open in hopes of it potentially being....and it ISSSSSSS.....GST CHEQUE TIIIIIIIIIIIMMMEEEE!!!! You call up your girl Shaniqua and tell her it's hair didd'in, nail getting, champagne popping time for you and the girls! HEATER!!

COOLER!!

Getting your GST cheque in the mail only to open it and find out that it is a letter from CRA informing you that you no longer qualify to receive GST rebates and that not only do you not qualify but that you have not qualified for 6 months so you now owe them the difference from the cheques that you have already spent.......COOLER!!!

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HEATER!!

Getting your first job!! You're 16. Mad at the world. Wanting to let out some frustration and anger on the rest of society, you decide (with your parents forced suggestion) to apply at local fast food joints and grocery stores to try and get some part-time dollars. This may not sound like a heater, but the feeling when you get that first paycheck for $72......and you can actually get your older brother to buy you one large Mike's hard lemonade and maybe buy a McLate night snack after the bush party is the first sign of freedom you ever have. Cheers to beers and our first part-time job for under age drinking money!!

COOLER!!

Car issues. Period.

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HEATER!!


Waking up early when you're camping or at a cottage and seeing the sunrise over the water!! I was at a cottage a couple weeks ago and sat outside for about an hour just mesmerized by the natural beauty of sun glistening off water and the calmness of a light breeze gently hitting your face. You wake up, refreshed (or hung over) and sit down on a lawn chair to enjoy one of the natural beauty's of the world. I look forward to the day I retire and can wake up every day at my cottage, sit on my dock in my muskoka chair and watch my lure hit the still water as I fish early in the monring as the sun is rising. Such a HEATER!!

COOLERS!!

Ordering a pizza and realizing AFTER the guy leaves that they gave you the wrong toppings!! We've all been there, you are sitting at home, debating what to eat and then the Gabriels Pizza commercial comes on (the one with the degenerate father who can't cook, and the child is scared of his meal ideas...lol) and all you can think of is a Gabes Combination with Olives....mmmmmm.....the anticipation mounts as you wait for the doorbell to sound, you might even check the window a couple times to make sure you are waiting at the door as he arrives......he comes, you pay and the box is glowing as you open it.....only to find out that the order taker is "delayed" and heard combination as VEGGIE-nation....such a COOLER.

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HEATER!!


Randomly finding money in the pocket of an old jacket! You wake up and its the first day of the fall season. Bitter and pissed off at what mother nature has decided to do to our beautiful summer, you reach into the closet dust off your fall jacket that you haven't worn in a year and head off to work. As your standing in line at Tim's waiting for your coffee you decide to go on a pocket hunt and see what interesting things were left that last fall day a year ago and you find a crumpled up, dirty, abondoned $5 bill. THERE'S BREAKFAST!! HEATER!!

 

COOLER!!

Losing your cell phone and all the numbers you've collected along the journey!! Anyone who knows me is aware of the amount of cell phones I have gone through and how every single time I lose a phone the FRUSTRATION of trying to remember all the numbers of friends you have on speed dial and simply knowing their phone number as their nickname"T-Bone @ work" in your phone. The only thing worse then that is the embarassment of making your status your new number......EEEEEEESSSSH. "HEY EVERYONE!! NEW NUMBER IS 613-555-1234...HOLLA!" So sad. Cooler.