HEATER!!

The anticipation for a trip! Whether its road trip, a trip across the world or just a trip to your favourite restaurant; the anticipation and excitement you have building up to the departure is always a HEATER.  You talk about it to everyone you know and they all hate you for it and of course you make sure to tell them every little detail about how much fun you’re going to have, how great the drinks will taste and how much you wish they could come with you…..but in your head all you’re thinking is SUCKAS!!! HAHAHAHA. Such a HEATER!

COOLER!!

Getting ANYTHING shot or thrown at your genitals!! I don’t know it’s the same for women, as I can only speak for myself, but the feeling and anticipation of pain that comes along with that split second before you’re about to get sacked is one of the biggest COOLERS a man can experience. I’ve gotten everything from soccer balls, hockey pucks, tennis balls, back hand slaps and the worst of all….the donkey punch! None feel better then other, so hold your breathe, take a knee and caress those suckers cause you’re in for a bumpy few hours!! COOLER!

HEATER!!

Technology! How great is it to have a machine make coffee for you at the touch of a button, or play someone at a video game that lives in Argentina?! Some of the simplest things that we take for granted every day are some of the coolest technologies ever created. Think about this for a second…I’m typing this sitting at my home laptop. You’re reading it online from a different location, different city or different country and it was sent IMMEDIATELY for the rest of the world to see. How crazy is that? They used to think black and white television was cool, imagine where we’ll be in 10 years!! HEATER!!

COOLER!!

Arguments caused by Facebook! Haha. I had to laugh while I was waiting in line last night at the local Loblaw’s and heard a teenage couple behind me in line bickering about someone posting on dudes wall. It went down like this VERBATIM:

Chick- “who the f*ck is Julie and why the hell did she add you as a friend?”  

Dude- “she’s Corey’s sister’s friend…..I told you about her”

Chick – “or the wh*re that Mark slept with at Rachel’s party?”

Dude – “the same”

Chick – “so I guess your next on her f*ck list then??!!”

Dude – “you got it, we’re meeting up tonight………you’re an idiot”

Chick – “go f*ck yourself”

She then proceeds to storm through the cash and walk out of the store…..I look around in amazement that no one else but the cashier witnessed this and gave her the WTF jaw drop open eyed stare! AMAZING for us….COOLER for him. Good ol’ F*ckbook….

HEATER!!

Long morning pees! Guys might be the only ones who can relate to this, but there’s a certain pride you take in being able to pee for over a long period of time in the morning. I’ve been known to purposely leave the door open when I feel my bladder is full enough to make a statement and let the world know….I OWN THE LONGEST PEE RECORD!! Tell your friends!! HEATER!!

COOLER!!

Breaking a bone right before a vacation!! I have to say I’m lucky and this hasn’t happened to me, but one of my close friends at work is preparing for a trip to Mexico with her friends in 4 days and strolls in with a cast on her arm!!! Hahahaha!! No swimming, no ocean, just basting in the sun with no way to refresh…at least drinks are allowed with broken limbs!! COOLER!!

HEATER!!

Advice! I love the advice that you get from seasoned vet’s….people that have been through the trenches and seen the up’s and down’s life has to offer.  You may not always accept it, but having someone who can share a tale or two, toss a couple cliches your way and make you feel slightly better about your situation can be a HEATER on a cold day. :)

COOLER!!

The power going out! I was sitting at home yesterday on my day off, enjoying some sports highlights and the odd game of Xbox, when I experience one of the biggest COOLERS during the day that can possibly happen. The POWER GOES OUT! Break out the candles and flashlights at night, or the book (if you have any) or cell phone during the day, because it’s CIRCA 1800 AC day and you’re the star!

HEATER!!

Sports highlights! Not only do you not have to watch the game, but you get someone to hand craft a 30 second strip of all the best highlights of the game for your viewing pleasure! HEATER!!

COOLER!!

The beginning of Winter!! I woke up today to my fiance telling me that she bailed in the driveway due to the ice rink we had in our driveway! Winter in Canada is comparible to no other season. It's cold, icy, frustrating, bitter and at times the worst part of your day. Winter tires, winter gloves, winter jackets, winter everything!! F.U.W!

 

HEATER!!

Waking up and realizing it's FRIDAY!! It's the last work day before the bottles pop, the alarms are snoozed and the hoodie's go on. It's almost time for the weekend and no matter what stands in your way on a Friday you can brush it off, fight through it and say "HEY......IT'S FRIDAY.....CAN'T NOBODY HOLD ME DOWN!!" So sip that coffee like it's the best thing in the world, brush off that pissed of co-worker like they don't exist and start counting down the minutes until you leave work and start your weekend! Thank god it's FRIDAY!!

(TOO SOON???)

COOLER!!

Moving!! Even more of a COOLER......helping a friends move. Thanks to all those helping me tomorrow!! :)

WANT ME TO POST YOUR OWN HEATERS AND COOLERS?!!

SEND ME AN EMAIL TO heatersandcoolers@gmail.com AND I

WILL POST YOUR OWN AND GIVE YOU A SHOUT OUT! HAVE FUN!

HEATER!!

DESSERTS!! I was spoiled as a child when it came to desserts. My mom literally EVERY dinner would always have May West’s, Flakies, Ice Cream with any topping imaginable, brownies, cookies, canoli's, cheesecake.....you name it, it was an option. Once I grew up, I realized that I no longer have a sweet tooth and I am quite turned off by desserts MOST of the time which somewhat helps the dying metabolism as I get older.....but sometimes it comes back...that dying need to have chocolaty goodness....ice cream with Oreo crumble and chocolate sauce doused in sprinkles!! BART!! Such a HEATER!! Here's to delicious desserts and those parents who made it acceptable. :)

(Is this kid wearing a toupee? WTF??)

COOLER!!

The first deuce taken at your new GF’s house!! You make the mistake of taking your new girlfriend to Lonestar on your second date and go back to her place to watch a movie when you feel it…..your stomach isn’t too pleased with the beans and hot sauce and you need an escape. You take that long walk down the hallway and HOPE it’s outside of earshot. Remember to courtesy flush. Last thing you need is a double COOLER by flooding the toilet as well!! GOOD LUCK!



WANT ME TO POST YOUR OWN HEATERS AND COOLERS?!!

SEND ME AN EMAIL TO heatersandcoolers@gmail.com AND I

WILL POST YOUR OWN AND GIVE YOU A SHOUT OUT! HAVE FUN!

HEATER!!

Clementines!  I have already gone through 3 full boxes this holiday season and they tend to be the most delicious balls of fruit known to man once you get that blasted peel off. They’re juicy, fresh and smell fantastic! Here’s to fresh fruit and holidays! HEATER!!

COOLER!!
When your friend builds up a movie for a long time and you get really excited for it, and then 5 minutes in your realize you have already seen it and in fact seen it more times then your friend and just couldn't remember the title of the movie. COOLER!!



WANT ME TO POST YOUR OWN HEATERS AND COOLERS?!!

SEND ME AN EMAIL TO heatersandcoolers@gmail.com AND I

WILL POST YOUR OWN AND GIVE YOU A SHOUT OUT! HAVE FUN!

HEATER!!

Commercial jingles that stick in your head. This could easily be a COOLER as well, but sometimes the songs that come along with your favourite merchandise are as good as the products themselves or even the odd time better!! I've listed a few of my faves to drive you crazy for the day! :)

-"The best paaaart of waking up...is Folgers in yourrrrrrrr cuuuuup!!"
-"You're not fully clean unless your ZEST fully clean!!"
-"I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R' Us kid!!" (soooo true)
-"MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW..... MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW..... MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW, MEOW"

COOLER!!

Having someone else do something for you, screwing it up and having to do it a second time yourself to make sure it's done right.

If you want something done right, do it yourself.....and don't let DONKS take initiative. COOLER!

 

HEATER!!

Coffee in the morning!! If you're not a coffee drinker then you can go back to your morning OJ and tab down to the cooler......I'm not even that big of a coffee drinker...I very rarely have it throughout the day or even a second coffee after my morning...but there's just something magical about that warm, sweet, milky coffee hitting your lips as the cold wind blows and your car starts up.....mmmmmmm......HEATER to morning coffee!! ENJOY!

COOLER!!

Making a lunch for work and forgetting it in the fridge!! I went out to eat last night with a few of my closest and had some curried beef with rice and it was fantastic but plentiful. No worries, i'll pack it up and have a delicious lunch for tomorrow.  You get home, transfer it from the styrofoam container to your beautiful tupperware and place it ever so gingerly in the fridge. You wake up the next day and you're lying in bed and think about how delicious your lunch will be that day. You hop in the shower, get dressed, make that morning coffee and then hop in your car and go to work with a smile; until that is, you sit down at your desk and realize what that void is in your mind.....you forgot your GOD damn lunch in the fridge....COOLER!!